Nearly every time I ask my client’s parents if they are using parental controls, the answer is no. There never is a consistent reason as to why parental controls aren’t used. Researching online, I find that many will say they feel like they are able to track what their child is doing without using them. Some feel like it will put them on a path towards spying on their kids’ phones or computers and may betray any trust with their kids. Meanwhile, others admit they find they are too complicated to use.
The risks associated with unlimited access to smartphones, tablets, and computers that have gaming available or are connected to the internet are immeasurable. Additionally, the adaptability and flexibility of your child’s developing brain is greater than your adult brain. Unfortunately, their developing brain lacks many of the functional capabilities, including the prefrontal cortex, that will enable them to effectively assess the risks of the internet and manage their use of their screens. Sending them out into this environment with consistent guardrails is like letting your child loose on the open waters of the Pacific with a powerful boat and no captain.
Research studies consistently show that the use of parental controls improves the communication and trust between the parent and child regarding the child’s use of the internet, smartphones, and technology. Additionally, it improves digital literacy and the child’s ability to appropriately assess risk on the internet. The key to these benefits is the open communication about the parents’ use of the parental controls and why they are using the parental controls.
Parental controls should be implemented from the beginning to monitor screen time. The lack of prefrontal cortex creates time blindness for the child. A child’s brain that is absorbed in a screen for long durations requires longer durations to regulate back to the non-screen world. When the screen is taken away after too long of screen exposure, parents often witness a meltdown. Utilizing a screen time monitoring tool that limits duration, can alert both the child and the parent. The purpose isn’t to police the child’s screen time use, it is to help the child become aware of their nervous system’s inability to protect itself from the technology detaching it from reality and the ensuing meltdown when the screen is removed. The entire purpose is to help regulate the child’s nervous system and help guide them to use technology in appropriate amounts.
As your child matures, they will want to explore the internet for different content through apps, gaming, and music. Parental controls allow you to see what they are interested in but also allow you to block certain apps that are not age appropriate. For children, YouTube is an unlimited, unregulated vast ocean of content with an algorithm that could start showing them content that would be horrifying in the matter of minutes. A parental control app can immediately turn this off. For the parent, this is an opportunity to explain why this must be done. It opens the communication to the purpose of parental controls and your role as a parent. Similar to how you wouldn’t give your child the keys to your car and let them drive to the grocery store to buy a gallon of milk, you are not going to hand them YouTube and let them be free.
Parental controls offer you an opportunity for educating your child about the dangers and how to safely navigate the internet. Additionally, it allows for you to have a healthy dialogue and build connection with your child. As your child continues to age, it will be far easier to include monitoring apps as they continue to request more access through their own smartphone and social media.
